5+ Things You Never Say To Someone Who Doesn’t Want Children

Women are often victims of inconsiderate comments, ranging from casual observations about their physical appearance to uninvited comments about their relationship status. This type of comment is not acceptable. However, it can be particularly irritating when it crosses into the territory of one’s decision to not have children. This list of eight things you shouldn’t say to someone who doesn’t want children will make you feel better, regardless of whether you’ve been the one to receive it.

1. “You would make such a great mother”

It’s a shame, but the woman you are talking to has not expressed any interest in becoming a mother, so this compliment (if it’s even a compliment) doesn’t really make sense. There are many things she could do well, but no one tells a mail carrier that they are a good dog walker.

2. “Are you afraid you’ll change your mind?”

Nope. This is not the case. You shouldn’t be concerned if she doesn’t seem to be losing sleep over it. This question is also a bit condescending to say the least. We know that deciding not to have children is a big decision. Therefore, we are willing to wager that she thought about all options before making her decision.

3. “Who will care for you when you’re old?”

Before you dismiss this question, consider whether you are asking genuinely out of concern about how the child-bearing person will fare in their later years. After you have done this, consider how many adult children end-up putting their parents in nursing home. Your friend will be fine company if she ends up in a senior facility.

4. “Having children makes your life more meaningful.”

This comment is a form of projection. It implies that the woman’s lives are not fulfilling. Maybe you felt the same way before you had kids. Or maybe you feel the same way now, and want to have more children. However, parenting is only one way to find fulfillment in your life. Please don’t assume that a woman who doesn’t choose to have children is unhappy or emptied. It’s not too much, don’t it?

5. “How does your partner feel about you choosing?”

Nunya. As in, nunya business. It’s private business to discuss future plans with romantic partners. It is also inappropriate to voice concern over the marriage of another partner in such a significant decision.

6. “Don’t You Want to See Yourself Reflected in Someone Else?”

Close your eyes, and picture yourself giving birth to…yourself. How does that make you feel now? We’re all about self-love, but if you want to challenge a woman’s decision not to have children, this narcissistic and creepy line of inquiry isn’t the right one.

7. “That’s great that you guys understood you wanted to have space in your life. It’s good!”

Although it sounds like a compliment, and that may be true. However, implying that your friend is selfish in her decision to not have children is not cool. There are many reasons a woman may choose not to have children. But, there are also many other ways to show selflessness beyond motherhood. Reductive and not flattering is the suggestion that women don’t have children because they live a happy, carefree life.

8. “You can’t love until you love the love of having children.”

Mother and child are a special bond. The person in question is likely to be satisfied with the many loving relationships she has in her life, despite having struggled to find that type of love. It’s all relative, right. You’re missing out if you haven’t experienced mother-child love or aren’t interested enough to procreate.

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